Breaking the Cycle: Why It’s Okay to Speak Up and Seek Support
When you were three years old, you might remember moments when you cried over something that felt like the end of the world to your tiny self—maybe your favourite toy broke or you got hurt. Your parents, wanting to soothe you, might have said, “Don’t cry, it’s okay!” or “You’re fine!” They weren’t being mean; they were trying to protect you from sadness. But, unintentionally, they may have planted the idea that expressing emotions wasn’t okay.
Fast forward a few years to primary school. Maybe a friend said something unkind, or a teacher was unfair. You ran home upset, only to hear your parents say, “Ah, they probably didn’t mean it,” or “Just ignore it.” Again, their intentions were good—they wanted to shield you from pain. But the underlying message you might have picked up was: Your feelings don’t matter as much as keeping the peace.
By the time you reached your teenage years, you probably experienced more complex emotions—perhaps your first heartbreak or a falling-out with a close friend. You felt deeply hurt, but when you tried to talk about it, you might have been told, “It’s just a phase,” or “Don’t overthink it.” By now, the pattern was clear: whenever you felt upset, you learned to suppress those feelings rather than express them.
Now, let’s fast-forward to adulthood. You’re in a workplace where a manager or coworker speaks to you disrespectfully. Or maybe you’re in a relationship where your partner’s words or actions hurt you. But instead of addressing it, you brush it off. You think, “They probably didn’t mean it,” or “It’s not a big deal.” But deep down, it is a big deal. You feel stressed, unappreciated, sad, or even burned out.
Why Does This Happen?
This cycle often starts with good intentions. Parents or caregivers want to protect their children from pain, so they offer quick fixes like dismissal or reassurance. But over time, this can teach us to ignore our own emotions, suppress our needs, and avoid conflict at all costs. By adulthood, we might find ourselves stuck in a pattern where we:
Struggle to express how we feel.
Avoid confrontation, even when it’s necessary.
Dismiss our emotions as unimportant.
Internalize stress, which can lead to burnout or even physical health issues.
The Impact on Mental Health
Suppressing emotions doesn’t make them go away; it just buries them deeper. Over time, this can lead to:
Chronic stress: Your body stays in fight-or-flight mode, leaving you exhausted.
Anxiety and depression: Unprocessed feelings can manifest as persistent worry or sadness.
Low self-esteem: If you’ve learned that your feelings don’t matter, you might start believing you don’t matter.
Strained relationships: Suppressing your emotions can create resentment or disconnect in personal and professional relationships.
Breaking the Cycle
The good news? It’s never too late to unlearn these patterns and start prioritizing your mental health. Here’s how therapy can help:
1. Understanding the roots: A therapist can help you explore how these patterns started and why they persist.
2. Learning to express emotions: Therapy teaches you healthy ways to acknowledge and share your feelings without fear of judgment.
3. Building boundaries: You’ll learn to advocate for yourself in relationships and workplaces, creating healthier dynamics.
4. Reducing stress: Through techniques like mindfulness or cognitive-behavioral strategies, you can manage stress and prevent burnout.
Why Seeking Help Is a Sign of Strength
Seeking therapy isn’t about blaming your parents, your boss, or anyone else. It’s about taking responsibility for your own well-being. It’s about saying, “I deserve to feel heard, respected, and valued.” Therapy provides a safe space to untangle the habits and beliefs that no longer serve you, so you can build a life where your feelings matter.
Final Thoughts
If this blog resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. Many of us have been conditioned to ignore our emotions, but it’s never too late to change. You don’t have to wait until you’re overwhelmed, burned out, or deeply unhappy to seek help.
At d9 therapy, we’re here to support you every step of the way. Whether you’re facing challenges in your relationships, career, or personal life, therapy can help you rediscover your voice and build the life you deserve.
You’ve spent long enough putting yourself last—let’s change that together.